I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
