Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
