i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cut my penus on the lid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
