Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
