we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
not ubering you a puppy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
