I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
