He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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