Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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