You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
