i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
