Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
