yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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