i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
