no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
