i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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