idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
