he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
