I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
