I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
