if i died would you start the facebook group?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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