I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
