Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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