how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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