I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
