She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
