Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
