But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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