she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
