Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
