it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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