just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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