i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
