I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
