i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
