dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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