His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
