were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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