areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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