Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
