The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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