my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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