just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize