On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
