There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize