Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
