last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
