This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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