I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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