Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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