hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
