Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
