We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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