PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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