Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize