More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
