im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
not ubering you a puppy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
