He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
