Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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