we're chasing vodka with high fives
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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