I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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