he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
