guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
