I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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