So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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