I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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