I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
