I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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