Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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