Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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