I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
