Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
