how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
