That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
