why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My balls are so social today.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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