I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
