you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
