New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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