I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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