Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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