Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
