just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I did not marry a roomba.
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