Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
