i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize