You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
