The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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