i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
