i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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