that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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