I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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