I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
